When moms do not take care of themselves on a regular basis, mental health can be negatively impacted. We are more prone to developing mental health issues like perinatal depression or anxiety or increasing the intensity of preexisting concerns. We might do things we don’t like, like yelling at our kids or spouse, zoning out on the phone, or eating junk food when we aren’t “wearing our own oxygen mask.” To reduce vulnerability to challenging emotions that are difficult to manage as a mom, you can remember the acronym ABC PLEASE to guide your self care. This is a skill from Dialectical Behavior Therapy which stands for:
Accumulate Positive Emotions
Build Mastery
Cope Ahead
Treat Physical Illness
Balance Eating
Avoid Mood-Altering Substances
Balance Sleep and
Get Exercise
Let’s dive a little deeper into what each of these self-care skills look like and how moms can implement them!
A: Accumulate positive emotions
In the short term, moms can focus on building positive experiences and be mindful of any positive things they do experience.
When you build positive experiences, these events lead to positive emotions. Do at least one thing each day that you would say is a “pleasant event”: this could be anything from laughing with your child, to reading, to dancing—anything you enjoy!
Be mindful of these pleasant events. Focus on one thing at a time and minimize multitasking–though we recognize this is a hard thing for many moms to do! Focus your attention on positive moments when they are happening. Refocus your attention when your mind wanders to the negative. Participate and engage fully in each experience.
In the long term, make changes in your life so that positive events will happen more often in the future. For moms, this might look like signing up for a class for yourself or your child, joining a book club, going to the local library’s story time each week, or committing to tending to your plants each day–anything to help make these happy moments happen more frequently and practice regular self-care.
If you are not sure about what to do, a good place to start is by following the steps in our blog post about values for moms!
B: Build Mastery
Do things that make you feel competent and effective to combat feelings of helplessness and hopelessness that can come along with major life transitions such as becoming a mom.
Another way to take care of yourself as a mom is to plan on doing at least one thing each day to build a sense of accomplishment. Set yourself up for success: do something difficult, yet possible. Gradually increase the difficulty over time–if the first task was too difficult, try something easier next time. If the task was too easy, try something harder next time–look for a challenge! Examples of this could be making a new recipe, building up your stroller-walking speed, or even simply taking a shower each day!
C: Cope Ahead of time with emotional situations
This is a form of self-care for your future self. Rehearse in your mind how you will handle a difficult event so that you are prepared to cope skillfully with emotional situations. Maybe you know that you have a full day without any other adult interaction, or you know that your baby might be extra fussy the next day due to illness or shots. Think about what you can do to practice self-care, prepare yourself, and set yourself up to succeed!
The “PLEASE” skills help us take care of our minds by taking care of our bodies.
PL: Treat Physical ILlness
Take care of your body. See a doctor when necessary and take prescribed medication. This is important during pregnancy and postpartum, but is also important outside of those times. Sometimes self-care looks like doing the not-so-fun things like going to the dentist or resting as much as possible when you are sick.
E: Balance Eating
Moms often cite being “too busy” as reasons that they do not eat, or do not eat well. Self-care in this aspect looks like prioritizing eating a healthy amount (not too much or too little). Eat regularly and mindfully throughout the day. Stay away from foods that make you feel emotional or uncomfortable (are you lactose intolerant? Does too much coffee make you anxious?)
A: Avoid Mood Altering Substances
Stay off illicit drugs, and use alcohol in moderation–ideally, not at all. While drugs and alcohol might make you think that you feel better temporarily, long-term use can lead to serious physical and mental consequences, so they are not an effective form of self-care. Continue to take any prescribed medications and vitamins as recommended and discuss any negative side effects with your prescriber.
S: Balance Sleep
For many moms, this may be the most challenging way to try to get self-care in. If you can, try to get the amount of sleep that helps you feel good–usually this number is around 7-10 hours a night for women. If that amount of sleep seems completely unattainable right now in your current phase of motherhood, just aim to get the biggest chunk of sleep that you can (try to get a chunk of at least 4 hours of consecutive sleep). Keep a consistent sleep schedule as much as possible, especially if you are having difficulty sleeping.
E: Get Exercise
Check with your doctor first, and if possible, engage in some sort of exercise every day and build up to at least 20 minutes of exercise. Moving your body can help you feel good and accomplished, and gives your brain a good dose of happy chemicals! This makes exercise a great way to practice self-care as a mom.
One more bonus tip: be gentle with yourself! This blog post lists a lot of different activities to take care of yourself as a mom, and we encourage you to do as many as possible, but we know that sometimes life makes things difficult. If you just have 10 minutes to exercise, or if you don’t get a full 8 hours of sleep, that’s okay–just do as much as you can! Adapt these tips to what fits into your life, and keep practicing self-care, mama!
If you enjoyed this blog post about the ABC PLEASE skills, you can read more at riverrootcounseling.com/blog or you can schedule an appointment to dive into this individually with one of our licensed perinatal mental health therapists here at River Root Counseling.
In health,
Denise Vukmanovich