Effective Communication
Have you ever found yourself struggling to communicate effectively with your partner, family members, coworkers, or friends? Either you end up not saying anything and burning yourself out, or you do talk about what is bothering you and the other person seems to go on the defensive or it turns into a fight. Communication, now more than ever as a new parent, may be a struggle for you as there are more demands placed on you and you have limited time. There are three common types of communication that we will look at today: passive communication, assertive communication, and aggressive communication, and in this blog post we will take a look at what your default communication style might be and how it might impact your relationships.
In this post, we will look at an example of these different communication styles in a conversation you may be having with a family member who wants to be present for your child’s birth.
Passive Communication
In passive communication, your needs are placed underneath what the other person wants. In this scenario, you may end up feeling resentful towards the other person and find yourself in a place of burnout. This communication style may be perceived as a lack of confidence or that you are shy or a pushover. Others may end up taking advantage of you.
Passive communication can look like this:
“I guess you can come to the hospital… technically they allow two other people… so I guess it’s okay if you really want to.”
This puts strain on what you want and need for your birth experience, and the resentment of them being there can put a strain on your relationship.
Aggressive Communication
In aggressive communication, your wants are placed above what the other person needs and wants. The most important thing is how it impacts you. This communication style may end up making others feel disrespected, humiliated, or unheard. You may be unwilling to compromise and find it difficult to not interrupt or listen to the other person.
Aggressive communication can look like this:
“I don’t want you at the hospital when the baby is born, that’s crazy. I just know you are going to be overbearing and make me feel bad about whatever happens. I’d rather my mother in law be there than you.”
This can leave the other person feeling unsupported and like you don’t care about them, which puts strain on your relationship as well.
Assertive Communication
Assertive communication is the best of both worlds. With this communication style, you consider both what you want and need as well as what the other person wants and needs. While this may be difficult in the moment, this can be the first step in setting healthy boundaries which will benefit both parties.
Assertive communication can look like this:
“I am glad that you are so excited to meet my baby! After consideration, I have decided that my partner will be the only one there during the birth. I will be happy to reach out to you when we are settled at home and ready for visitors and am looking forward to you meeting each other.”
You got what you needed (a safe and uncrowded space during the birth) and your family member is able to meet your baby as soon as you feel comfortable. You were confident in your decision and compromised. You recognized their needs and wants, and while they may not like that they are not able to be at the birth, this situation ultimately works the best for both parties.
These responses may seem extreme, but if you are able, evaluate your communication to see which one(s) you typically use and how they impact your relationships. What would it take to practice more assertive communication?
If you need or want any additional guidance on this, please feel free to reach out to us at River Root! We would love to talk more about this with you.
In health,
Denise (Henault) Vukmanovich
Denise is one of River Root Counseling’s therapists. Denise’s therapeutic style is collaborative, individualized, and client-focused. She believes that you, as the client, have the answers that you need to solve the problems that you face, and will guide you to find out what they are, providing support and resources along the way. Denise believes that you are the expert of your own life, and strives to fully, accurately, and compassionately understand and connect with each of her clients.
Denise is accepting new clients for daytime openings effective 7-28-22
Learn more about Denise and contact her here.