Conversations to Have with Your Partner when Expecting
You are expecting a baby – congratulations! This can be one of the most exciting times in life. On the flip side, this can also be one of the scariest, most nerve wracking, anxiety provoking times to say the least. Conversations about expectations and how things will be handled can often be overlooked by new parents-to-be. Most parents spend a lot of time thinking about the registry, looking into products on the market, thinking about the birth plan, and much more. Some examples may include questions such as: Which bassinet should we use? Which car seat is the safest? What stroller will best fit my needs? Baby carrier? Bottle warmer? On top of the millions of products advertised to new parents, they also might spend time educating themselves on the ins and outs of newborn life – do pacifiers cause nipple confusion? Breastfeeding or formula? There are so many decisions new parents are thinking about, and all of these things are important. However, conversations around expectations, how life with a baby will be handled, and mental health, and more.
One of the most important discussions to have with your partner includes role expectations not only for the two of you, but for grandparents, aunts, uncles, and other close family members. Of course, it is important to discuss who will do what, and what everyday life will look like between yourself and your partner. It is also equally important to discuss roles of close family and friends. Alongside this comes boundaries for family and friends. Do you want people calling and giving a notice before they come over? Are you going to limit postpartum visits to a certain time frame so you can rest? What will the role of “grandparent” look like in your child’s life?
One of the most overlooked topics of discussion is how to know if your/your partner’s mental health is not right, and how to talk about this with one another. Are there certain ways you can make your partner feel supported, loved, and cared for during these conversations? If your partner has struggled with mental health before, what were some warning signs and what were some things that helped? It is easy for your mental health to get on top of you in the postpartum period, so having this conversation beforehand is crucial to your family’s wellbeing.
Another important topic is your support system. Support systems are absolutely vital in the postpartum days. Who does your support system consist of? Who will you let in, and under what circumstances? Being on the same page with your partner about this is imperative.
Lastly, how will you and your partner deal with the sleep deprivation aspect of having a newborn? Will you take shifts for the overnight feeds, call a grandparent or friend, hire a doula as needed, etc. Having a game plan for this is necessary and will save additional time and stress than trying to navigate this when in the thick of sleep deprivation.
Of course, this post is not inclusive of everything that you and your partner choose to talk about when expecting a baby. Everyone is different, and your conversations with your partner may look slightly different depending on your needs. If you are feeling overwhelmed, anxious, or need assistance processing through some of this, please feel free to contact me. My goal in writing this post is to empower parents to be and equip them with a taste of beneficial and insightful conversations to be had when expecting.