Negative Filters – What are they, and how can you recognize them?
What are Negative Filters?
Negative filters are thought processes that many of us experience at one point or another as we go through our lives. They change how we perceive and think about the world and can alter our perspective. Especially when we are experiencing depression, anxiety, or increased stress, negative filters can become much more prevalent. In the postpartum period, many of your thought processes may be focused on your and your baby’s health, your competence as a mom, the outlook of the next few years, or your relationship with your partner or other family members. These can affect your feelings of self-esteem, confidence, relationship with your baby, and relationships with others in your life.
However, these filters don’t reflect the truth of your situation! Like wearing rose-colored glasses and seeing the world more positively than it may really be, negative filters are like wearing dark, cloudy glasses and can make it challenging to see reality for what it is.
Recognizing Common Negative Filters
Some common negative filters include shoulds, “all or nothing” thoughts, personalization, fortune-telling, and catastrophizing. As you read on about these in more detail, try to keep in mind if these are showing up in your life at all.
The “Shoulds”
These negative filters do their job by contributing to feelings of shame and guilt. These may look like, “I should be spending more time with my baby,” “I should be able to keep the house cleaner than it is,” “they should understand that I just don’t have the time anymore,” or “I should be able to balance working with being a mom more gracefully.” While you may genuinely want these things, the word “should” places a level of shame and frustration on your situation that can be difficult to work through and actually make changes to reach your goals.
All or Nothing Thoughts
These thoughts are very common with new moms. Society’s expectations are high for mothers, and there is just no way to meet them 100% of the time. Moms are expected to “do it all,” whether that’s feeding your little one a certain way, working, staying at home, keeping the house in order, or maintaining your relationship with your partner the same as it was before kids. You may think that if you can’t do it all perfectly or live up to the expectations you have of yourself, you are a failure.
Personalization
What do you think when things go wrong? Do you blame yourself, and is it your fault? Oftentimes, moms place the blame on themselves and feel like they are responsible if things don’t go as hoped. Most often, the truth of the situation is that factors out of your control were at play. If you are finding yourself taking setbacks or disappointments as personal failures, you may be experiencing personalization.
Fortune-Telling
This cognitive distortion plays on the idea that we can predict the outcome of situations. While many times we can realistically identify the odds of something happening, fortune telling throws all odds out the window. For example, you may be able to recognize that a small scrape on your child’s arm will most likely heal with no long-term effects on their health. If you have convinced yourself that this scrape is going to lead to infection and ultimately your child’s death, and believe this to be the case, you may be suffering from fortune telling.
Catastrophizing
Moms can have many different concerns about their newborn. Some of these worries may be based in reality, for example if you have a child who experiences health concerns, but other times, these thoughts can go to extremes. If you find yourself worried about terrible situations that likely will not happen (a “catastrophe”), you may be experiencing catastrophizing thoughts. For example, if your baby has a difficult feed, your catastrophizing thoughts may look like “My baby will never eat again, and I will have to take him to the hospital and he will be taken away from me.” These can lead to feelings of helplessness and hopelessness, which can become barriers to taking effective action towards improving your situation.
I have negative filters. What can I do next?
First of all, congratulations for being able to identify that! Labeling these thoughts is the first step in addressing them. A more detailed post about correcting negative filters is coming soon, but a good next step is always talking to or reaching out to a therapist or trusted individual in your life. Here at River Root, we would love to help you talk through some of these thinking errors and find solutions that fit your needs. Please reach out if you have any questions or want to talk it through with one of our counselors!
Take care,
Denise Vukmanovich, MA, LPC
Call Denise at 330-595-4563
Denise is a therapist at River Root Counseling. Her therapeutic style is collaborative, individualized, and client-focused. She believes that you, as the client, have the answers that you need to solve the problems that you face, and will guide you to find out what they are, providing support and resources along the way. Denise believes that you are the expert of your own life, and strives to fully, accurately, and compassionately understand and connect with each of her clients.