Safe Family Gatherings for the Holidays… Setting Boundaries with Family
The holiday season can be a wonderful but also stressful time for families with young children. Especially if you have a new baby, or young kids who can’t be vaccinated, concerns about COVID-19 exposure adds additional issues to the mix. Setting boundaries with family can be challenging. But thinking about what you are comfortable with and expressing your needs and feelings early can help alleviate potential tension.
For many, the holidays are a special time for gathering with family. Grandparents and extended family may have expectations around spending holidays with you. They want to see their grandchildren in their Halloween costumes, Thanksgiving turkey suit, Christmas, Chanukah, or Kwanza outfit. Brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, may also want some face-to-face time with your young kids or new baby. How do you manage family expectations and protect your young child/children at the same time?
The first thing to do is discuss your desires with your partner. Decide what your boundaries are and where you are willing to give options. You may be willing to participate in a big family gathering as long as it is outdoors. Or, you are willing to have a gathering as long as everyone wears masks. Perhaps you’d like to limit guests to those that have been vaccinated (if available for their age group).
Second, remember that your time with your partner and nuclear family is valuable and special as well. If this is your first baby, you might want to think about what you want your family traditions to be. You and your partner should decide what is important and how to achieve as close to that picture. Time with newborns and young children is precious and you want to make it memorable and fun for yourselves.
Third, give yourselves permission to do what is best for your family. Whether it is limiting venue of gathering, size of gathering, or other stipulation, you are the biggest advocate for keeping your family safe and happy. It’s important to have boundaries that reflect your comfort level. The last thing you want is for one or both parents to be stressed and anxious throughout the holiday season.
Fourth, when talking to family about your needs, be clear. If you’ve already identified your needs and boundaries, communicate them well in advance to allow for planning. In addition to COVID-19 considerations you may think about if there are smokers in the group, if family members have pets they may expect to be included, will some guests bring dates and/or friends? Who will be responsible for communicating needs to these individuals?
Fifth, ask about their expectations and wishes. Start a conversation with family members by asking them their thoughts on holiday gatherings. If there are some activities that are important to loved ones, then maybe you can brainstorm ways to achieve them while staying within the boundaries that you’ve laid out for your family. Be specific about your needs and desires to minimize confusion, misunderstanding, and hurt feelings.
Lastly, practice saying no. If you and/or your partner aren’t comfortable with a situation or event, say no. The CDC offers guidance for keeping your baby safe and healthy during the COVID-19 pandemic. Find these here.
Need some ideas for family-safe gatherings? Think pumpkin patch, campfire, picnic, walk through a park, hike with family or friends, deck party, backyard barbecue, caroling, or sleigh ride.
We at River Root Counseling want to see you and your family enjoy your holiday season to the fullest. We are here to support you through this especially challenging time.
Danielle Older, MSW, LISW-S, CCTP
Danielle is one of our maternal mental health therapists and the founder of River Root Counseling. Her therapeutic style is individual, evidence-based, and unique to best serve each individual client. Danielle will work with you, at your pace, cheering you on and empowering you as you accomplish your therapeutic goals. Danielle values the therapeutic relationship and works to make each session beneficial and helpful for her clients. Danielle is a mother herself and understands the roller coaster that parenting, and motherhood, can sometimes feel like.
Call River Root at 330-595-4563
Licensed Independent Social Worker with Supervision Designation (Ohio) – I.2002068-SUPV
Certified Clinical Trauma Professional (CCTP)
Bachelor’s of Social Work – University of Akron
Master’s in Social Work – Edinboro University of Pennsylvania
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