Surviving & Thriving as a Stay-at-Home Parent
Being a stay-at-home parent may be one of the hardest jobs, period. As a stay-at-home parent you generally not only have the duties of caring for the kids, but housework, laundry, grocery shopping, and food preparation, not to mention keeping track of family budget, expenses, perhaps lawn and home maintenance. You are basically working 24/7. No other job demands that.
When my kids were little, I had three under the age of three, a two-year-old and identical twins. My days went something like this. At six AM I woke up and fed the twins, ate my breakfast, then had my hubby watch them while I took a shower. He went off to work and I entertained the twins until time for their nap around 8 AM. I would clean the kitchen, start a load of laundry, then my oldest woke up around 8:30. I would get her breakfast, play with her for a bit, then the twins would wake up and need to be fed around 9AM. After feeding them we would get everything packed and get out of the house by 10:30, on good days. I usually I met up with another mom at a park or if it were cold, we would have a play date at someone’s house. Most often the twins napped while the oldest played. Sometimes we would get lunch out, but usually I needed to be home by noon to feed the twins again. After lunch my oldest may sleep for an hour if I were lucky. Then it was time for the twins’ nap again. Which meant one on one time with the oldest. At three the twins woke again for another feeding. And by four my nerves were shot from juggling three young kids, meals, pets, laundry, and the constant stimulation of all of that. So every afternoon about four o’clock I loaded them all up and we went to Starbucks. I would sit at a table with my oldest, the twins beside us in a stroller, and we’d drink our hot chocolates. This was my half hour of Zen. Then it was back to the races with prep for dinner, baths, and the last feedings of the day. After that last feeding my husband and I would prepare all the formula for the next day, sixteen bottles of formula ready to be heated when needed. By 10PM I fell into bed exhausted but looking forward to my five hours of sleep before the 3AM feeding.
All of this meant zero personal time, zero exercise time, zero me time. How I survived two years of that I have no clue. Oh, yes I do. FRIENDS. Mom’s nights out. Parks. Zoos. Aquariums. And sometimes, wine. If you are someone already prone to mental health challenges, being a stay-at-home parent, with the losing your sense of identity, isolation, poor diet, lack of personal time, and stress of finances can be a recipe for a spiral into mental health mayhem. So how do you keep good mental health if you’re a stay-at-home parent?
Here are our top tips for stay-at-home parents.
- Create a schedule. Being able to know what’s coming and feeling in control of your day, can help stave off anxiety and blues. Make sure to schedule in time for doing things you enjoy, like drinking your favorite tea and reading a book during nap times, getting outside, or taking a walk. Also if you can get in one house chore a day then you’re not spending weekends cleaning.
- Get outside. Sunshine and Vitamin D production are great ways to stave off stay-at-home blues. And parks are perfect places to find friends.
- Make friends. Making new friends can seem daunting but finding friends when your kids are young can be easier than you think. Why? Because you’re all in the same boat. All stay-at-home parents need support and socializing with other adults. So strike up a conversation on the playground, look for a playgroup, go the library for reading time to meet other moms, find a mom’s groups, or look for a group on social media.
- Start your day with me time. Take a shower, get dressed in something nicer than your sweats, put on makeup, and do your hair. Looking put together goes a long way towards helping us feel put together and like we are being our best selves. If possible get in some journal writing or meditation.
- Take care of your health. Drink lots of water, eat balanced meals with fruits and vegetables, and join a gym that has childcare if it’s in the budget. If not, make your own exercise room at home with some weights and perhaps a treadmill or elliptical machine.
- Start a stay a home job. Having a job can help you feel connected and productive. Virtual assistants fill so many roles from accounting, to social media, to graphics and sites like Upwork or Rev can help you find contract work.
- Find a hobby. Find something you love doing and carve out some time to fuel your passion. Or learn something new like jewelry making, knitting, or gardening.
Your mental health is important. Take time to plan how to support yourself.
In health,
Danielle Older, MSW, LISW-S, CCTP
Danielle is one of our maternal mental health therapists and the founder of River Root Counseling. Her therapeutic style is individual, evidence-based, and unique to best serve each individual client. Danielle will work with you, at your pace, cheering you on and empowering you as you accomplish your therapeutic goals. Danielle values the therapeutic relationship and works to make each session beneficial and helpful for her clients. Danielle is a mother herself and understands the roller coaster that parenting, and motherhood, can sometimes feel like.
Call River Root at 330-595-4563
Licensed Independent Social Worker with Supervision Designation (Ohio) – I.2002068-SUPV
Certified Clinical Trauma Professional (CCTP)
Bachelor’s of Social Work – University of Akron
Master’s in Social Work – Edinboro University of Pennsylvania
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