Support After a Traumatic Birth
Birth trauma is one of those things that many of us say, “oh, that won’t happen to me.” As pregnant moms to be, we often envision what the birth process will be like. We think about our birth wishes, often times writing them out, along with the alternate possibilities woven into the respective birth plan: “if ABC happens, then my wishes include XYZ. Birth trauma is important to not only recognize as a thing happening, but also to normalize. I often have moms calling me for therapy after a traumatic birth feeling alone, isolated, and misunderstood. They have often been told many of the following statements by their friends, family, and sometimes their medical providers as well:
“Be thankful, you have a healthy baby”
“At least XYZ didn’t happen”
“I’m sure it really wasn’t that bad”
“But wasn’t it all worth it to have this beautiful baby?”
“Stop overreacting”
I could go on for days about the invalidating and hurtful statements I have heard in my therapy office. For the sake of this blog post, I will leave it at the above. You get the picture.
Birth Trauma Statistics
The statistics and research on birth trauma are truly startling and jaw dropping. Statistics tell us 25-34% of moms report that their birth experience was traumatic. What qualifies as a traumatic birth, do you ask? For the sake of research, a traumatic birth is defined as “when an individual (mother, father, or other witness), believes the mother or baby’s life was in danger, or that a serious threat to the mother or baby’s physical or emotional integrity existed.”
Even the healthiest of births or the birth most in line with mom’s birth plan can still feel traumatic. At the core of every trauma, we know there is a loss of power and control. Whether it be the birthing mother/family feeling unheard or emergency medical procedures to keep both the mom and baby healthy, the result is often intense fear, horror, and loss of control in the birth process. So what do we do? How do we respond when a friend or family member experiences a traumatizing birth? This is often a day the parents to be envision as being one of the best days ever, yet with traumatic births, parents leave the hospital horrified and emotionally numb.
For the sake of this blog post, I am addressing the public, rather than the medical professionals involved in the birthing process. That is another topic for another day!
Tips For Supporting Someone After Birth Trauma
For the sake of this blog post, I am addressing the public, rather than the medical professionals involved in the birthing process. That is another topic for another day!
For starters, you always want to do the following when a friend or family member tells you of a traumatic birth experience:
1. Validate: Let them know their feelings/emotions/actions are valid and justified.
2. Normalize: Let them know that anybody in their shoes would be feeling the same way and these are normal feelings/thoughts/actions given what they experienced.
3. Empathize: Understand and share their feelings. Allow them space to feel whatever they need to feel.
4. Give them power and control back: Ask what they need. Ask how you can be a support. Let them make that determination and of course, follow through.
If this is you, if you had a traumatic birth experience, I am sorry and I hear you. Know that in therapy, we can walk through this together, at a pace that is comfortable for you with you guiding the ship of what we discuss and when. As your therapist, my goal is to support you, being someone rooting from you from the sidelines, and cheering you on in all aspects of life and parenthood. My goal is to empower you and provide you with coping tools, grounding tools, and a safe, judgement free space to process through what happened while of course finding space for laughter and joy amidst the trauma therapy process.
References
- Beck CT, Indman P. 2005. The many faces of postpartum depression. J Obstet Gynecol Neonatal Nurs 34(5):569-76
- Cigoli V, Gilli G, Saita E. 2006. Relational factors in psychopathological responses to childbirth. J Psychosom Obstet Gynaecol 27(2):91-7.
- Czarnocka J, Slade P. 2000. Br J Clin Psychol 39 (Pt 1):35-51.Prevalence and predictors of post-traumatic stress symptoms following childbirth.
- Declercq E, Sakala C, Corry M, Applebaum S. 2008. New Mothers Speak Out: National Survey Results Highlight Women’s Postoartum Experiences. Childbirth Connection: New York
- Gross MM, Hecker H, Keirse MJ. 2005. An evaluation of pain and “fitness” during labor and its acceptability to women. Birth 32(2):122-8.
- Soet JE, Brack GA, DiIorio C. 2003.Prevalence and predictors of women’s experience of psychological trauma during childbirth. Birth 30(1):36-46.
- Szalay S, 2011. Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder after Childbirth in an Out-of-Hospital Birth Population. Presentation at Annual Conference of Midwives Association of Washington State, Seattle, Washington (unpublished).
- Nicholls K, Ayers S. 2007. Childbirth-related post-traumatic stress disorder in couples: a qualitative study. Br J Health Psychol. 12(Pt 4):491-509.