How to Help Friends or Family Experiencing Infertility
Learning that a friend or family member is experiencing infertility can bring up many questions, especially if you are pregnant, already have children, and/or haven’t experienced infertility yourself. So how do you go about supporting friends that may confide in you?
First, the fact that they’ve offered you this information signals they trust you as a friend. And they think you will be able to be supportive. But knowing what to say and NOT to say or do can be daunting, especially if you aren’t knowledgeable about infertility.
We’ve gathered our top tips for supporting friends and family who may be experiencing infertility. A first step is educating yourself a bit about the basics of infertility and different treatment options. This way you can know some information about the procedures and/or treatments they may be experiencing.
What to say and do to help friends going through infertility
- Let them know that you’re concerned.
- Ask them what they need.
- Support their decisions.
- Attend difficult appointments with them.
- Volunteer to sit other children.
- If you learn you’re pregnant deliver the news is way that gives them space to process privately.
- Don’t forget your male friends. Infertility is not just an issue for women. Your male friends may be hurting internally. Let them know you’re available if they need you.
- When appropriate, encourage therapy. Infertility can be a stressful and emotional journey. If you see your friend(s) struggling suggest they talk to a mental health support person.
When you’re not sure what to say, try one of these responses:
- Will it help to talk about it?
- I’m not sure what to say to comfort you.
- I want to help. What can I do to support you?
- I’m here whenever you need me.
- I’m sorry you’re experiencing this.
What to avoid saying/doing when friends are experiencing infertility
- Don’t suggest they relax.
- Don’t minimize their experience.
- Don’t say that things could be worse.
- Don’t say that maybe a pregnancy isn’t meant to be.
- Don’t ask why they are not trying treatment X, Y, or Z. And don’t try to help by making suggestions. Let them lead these conversations.
- Don’t push adoption or other solutions.
- Don’t say they have plenty of time to get pregnant.
- Don’t discuss their private issues with other friends.
- Don’t offer to help with personal donations or joke about the issue.
- Don’t complain about your pregnancy.
- Don’t question their feelings.
- Don’t ask whose “fault” it is.
If you’d like to learn more about how couples experiencing infertility can get the support they need read our post on Infertility and Mental Health here.
Danielle Older, MSW, LISW-S, CCTP
Danielle is one of our maternal mental health therapists and the founder of River Root Counseling. Her therapeutic style is individual, evidence-based, and unique to best serve each individual client. Danielle will work with you, at your pace, cheering you on and empowering you as you accomplish your therapeutic goals. Danielle values the therapeutic relationship and works to make each session beneficial and helpful for her clients. Danielle is a mother herself and understands the roller coaster that parenting, and motherhood, can sometimes feel like.
Call River Root at 330-595-4563
Licensed Independent Social Worker with Supervision Designation (Ohio) – I.2002068-SUPV
Certified Clinical Trauma Professional (CCTP)
Bachelor’s of Social Work – University of Akron
Master’s in Social Work – Edinboro University of Pennsylvania
Schedule a consultation here.