Supporting friends with perinatal anxiety or depression can be challenging. For those watching someone experiencing perinatal anxiety or depression it can be hard to know what to do. You may feel scared for them as well as overwhelmed and powerless. Watching a partner, friend, or family member struggle on a daily basis is not fun. But there are ways to support them and perhaps help them through their struggles.
First, it’s important not to blame. As in all mental health issues, what they are experiencing is beyond their control. And while they can and should take certain steps like practicing self-care, getting good sleep, eating and exercising well, and/or seeing a therapist or clinician if needed, they can’t just flip a switch or push a button on their feelings and thoughts. Your support as a partner, friend, or family member can be valuable as well.
Women experiencing anxiety or perinatal depression may not ask for help. They may feel embarrassed or that they shouldn’t be experiencing these issues. Reassure them that many women, as many as 1 in 5, have similar journeys. And if you’ve had challenges around your mental health, share that too.
What are concrete ways you can provide support?
- Spend time with them. Offer to go for a walk, or meetup for coffee or a meal. Volunteer to help care for their child or children so they can get some downtime. Stress that your time together doesn’t have to be fancy or glamorous. Sit with them while they feed their baby or fold their laundry and pitch in to help with tasks. Make suggestions about activities you can do together with or without the baby. Sometimes women can get stuck in their own heads and can’t see opportunities like visiting a garden, museum, or zoo, that might be fun and stress free. If you’re a mom too, or even if you’re not, offer to attend parent and child classes with them. As with many of us, the first time we do something can feel overwhelming. Helping them get over that hump can be a big win.
- Be patient and give them space. Although I Iist spend time with them at the top, they also need processing time on their own. Let them know that you are here for them but understand if an activity or call feels overwhelming. Or simply send a message that says, “Thinking of you today”.
- Educate yourself. Learn more about perinatal anxiety and depression through research. Our blog has many posts about perinatal anxiety and depression. Read Steps for Healing Perinatal Anxiety, Recovering from Birth Trauma, Postnatal PTSD, Depression or PTSD?, Help with Postpartum Depression, Depression Can Occur Before Birth, and many more on our blog.
- Listen to them. Keep the focus on them and their feelings instead of coming back to yourself and your feelings or experiences. If you do have similar experiences you can share those, but remember, everyone’s mind and body processes things differently. Don’t push solutions on them.
- Don’t judge. If and when they open up to you, don’t brush off their anxieties or point out that their fears aren’t valid or are unfounded. They likely know that their fear and/or anxiety is out of proportion but are unable to stop the swirling thoughts. Listen and empathize.
- Support them in getting help. Offer to help arrange appointments and watch a child or children so they can attend as worry-free as possible. Go with them to appointments if they need support. Help brainstorm different support options, support groups, group therapy, talking to their OB/GYN or general practice physician, receiving support from a doula or midwife, or private counseling/therapy, are all good routes to take in getting support.
You can learn more about group vs. individual therapy and our therapy groups and other services here. We have groups forming throughout the year including both psychotherapy based and clinician led support groups.
In health,
Danielle Older, MSW, LISW-S, CCTP
Danielle is one of our maternal mental health therapists and the founder of River Root Counseling. Her therapeutic style is individual, evidence-based, and unique to best serve each individual client. Danielle will work with you, at your pace, cheering you on and empowering you as you accomplish your therapeutic goals. Danielle values the therapeutic relationship and works to make each session beneficial and helpful for her clients. Danielle is a mother herself and understands the roller coaster that parenting, and motherhood, can sometimes feel like.
Licensed Independent Social Worker with Supervision Designation (Ohio) – I.2002068-SUPV
Certified Clinical Trauma Professional (CCTP)
Bachelor’s of Social Work – University of Akron
Master’s in Social Work – Edinboro University of Pennsylvania
For information and appointment call River Root at 330-595-4563.