What are Values?
Values are important, consistent beliefs that we have that play a part in the decisions that we make. When we aren’t living within our value sets, we are more prone to depression and other mental health issues, and when we are living within our value sets, we feel most fulfilled and happy.
Being unclear about your values can make it challenging to make choices. Values are amazing ways to guide both big and small decisions. Identifying what your values are and how to embody these values can be a great way to bolster your mental health and contribute to a fulfilling life– a life that you can feel good living!
So what does clarifying your values look like? There are several huge “values lists” online that you can look up to use to get an idea of some examples of values. I suggest using these lists to complete a “values sort:” this is an activity where you identify which values are less important, of medium importance, and most important to you. Once you have identified your top values, narrow those down to 3-5. There is no “right” or “wrong” value to choose your top values–all values are important, and we are all unique in what matters most to us!
Why is identifying your values as a mom important?
Becoming a mother is a huge adjustment: physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and logistically that can also come along with big identity shifts. During this period of change when everything may feel very unknown and chaotic, reminding yourself of your values can be a great way to ground yourself. Additionally, while values are often consistent across someone’s lifespan, when big life changes happen like becoming a mom, you may find yourself recognizing that you value new and different things.
For example, let’s say that “connection” is an important value to you as a mom. Take a minute to think about what this means to you. If you were your most connected self, what would you see yourself doing? What do big moments of connection look like? What do the small moments of connection look like? Why is connection important to you? Make a goal for how you will embody this value in the next day, weeks, months, and years.
As you do this, retain enough flexibility in these goals so that you are not trapped in value sets that are too rigid. If you find yourself thinking that “connection” must mean that you exclusively breastfeed your child and nothing else to get that feeling of connection, you may find yourself struggling when you do not meet this goal. If you have ever experienced a values challenge like this, rest assured in knowing that you can still behave according to your values. The behavior you have linked to the value; however, may need to change. You may need to reframe what this value looks like: maybe it looks like snuggling your baby or spending intentional time playing with them or reading to them when they get older and are no longer breastfeeding.
Once you have identified your top values and have created some goals to go along with them, continue to reevaluate these as life shifts. Do you need to change how you are implementing these values as the season of motherhood changes? The incredible thing is that just as there is no right or wrong value for a mom, there is no right or wrong way to implement it! Do what makes sense to you. Motherhood can be challenging at times, but once you’ve identified your values as a mom, decisions get much easier!
If you would like to talk more about what your values are as a parent and how to best implement them, you can schedule an appointment to dive into this individually with one of our licensed perinatal mental health therapists here at River Root Counseling. If you are interested in learning more, head over to riverrootcounseling.com/blog for more blog posts like this one!
In health,
Denise Vukmanovich