Stop Doing It All – It’s okay to say no and focus on the important things

As parents we sometimes feel the pressure to contribute time to lots of different things. Our parents and extended family, work activities or events, school events, church activities, neighborhood events, and more can zap time and energy. The list is almost endless. But if you have kids, especially younger ones, these extra activities can suck our time away, leaving us exhausted and out of energy for our own family.

So how do you quell the need to volunteer? Say no to the pressure, either internal or external, to sign up to plan that classroom party? The work luncheon? Host the family barbecue?

I love this quote from Zoë Kim.

“We sometimes do so much that we end up losing ourselves. We sell out our purpose, peace, and joy for the idea that we should be doing it all. Perfectly too, without even breaking a sweat.” — Zoë Kim, Author of Minimalism for Families, minimalist mom of four and the voice behind Raising Simple

How do you not say yes? I think Zoë has lots of great thoughts for us around applying minimalism, being willing to be vulnerable/admitting we can’t do it all, giving ourselves permission, setting boundaries, and bringing balance to our lives.

Focus on what you are saying yes to

All of these may be rooted in one idea, placing importance on our nuclear family, prioritizing our children and partner. Instead of looking at what you’re not doing. Consider what you are doing, what you gain from saying no.

If you’re not running the preschool classroom party, you’re sitting with your child eating a cupcake, you’re watching them interact with friends, you’re paying attention as they’re sharing their latest artwork.

If you’re not planning the after-work social, you’re sitting around the table listening to your children tell you what happened at school, you’re asking them to help pitch in to make a family dinner, you’re taking your children to the park, you’re enjoying an afternoon stroll with the kids  and family pet, you’re enjoying a quiet moment with your significant other.

If you’re not hosting the family barbecue you’re sitting and spending quality time with parents and siblings, you’re fostering relationships with and between extended family, listening to what is going on in their lives.

If you’re not in charge of the book fair, you’re picking out books with your kids, you’re enjoying reading their favorite books with them, you’re learning about their passions.

Obviously, you may want to contribute some things sometimes. Take your turn at hosting the family gathering or have it catered, bring cupcakes for the classroom party (you can enlist the kids and make it a family project), turn a volunteer hour at the zoo into a family outing.

Being able to say no and prioritizing your family can help bring balance and more enjoyment to your life. It will give you the extra time and sanity to appreciate being in each moment and feeling that you’re telling those most important to you just that, that they are important. Plus, you may just be able to carve out a bit of time to be alone, have the reflection and quiet time all our psyches need. And I’m guessing your partner will love you not falling into bed exhausted every night.

If you’d like to read Zoë’s blog post “It’s Ok to Stop Doing It All” and learn more about Zoë, click here.

Danielle Older, MSW, LISW-S, CCTP

Owner/Therapist

330-595-4575

River Root Counseling, LLC Client Portal: https://danielleolder.clientsecure.me/sign-in